Lamprey

lamprey

This is a lamprey and it’s a literal blood-sucker. It feasts on blood and bodily fluids by attaching that torture device of a mouth to other fish (or your inner thigh) like a vacuum. The teeth and tongue are designed to cut through your flesh to induce blood flow. Isn’t nature amazing!

Pelican Eel (Gulper Eel)

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This deep-sea nightmare fuel is all mouth, but can stretch its stomach to accommodate food just as large as it is (e.g. your arm). Although the Pelican Eel is rarely seen by humans, we’re pretty sure it would make an exception for your foot.

Hagfish

hagfish

Is that a hagfish in your swim trunks or are you just happy to see me? Hagfish may not be as scary as other creatures on this list, but they’re plenty gross. They enjoy tunneling their way into dead carcasses and secreting a clear slime to ward off predators. Make sure your swimsuit is on tight around these characters.

Giant Pacific Octopus
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Apparently these Giant Pacific Octopuses aren’t typically aggressive, but will occasionally eat one another. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t trust anything that eats its own family. Dangerous or not, running into one of these things in the wild would certainly cause a heart attack.

Giant Jellyfish

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Many of the sea creatures in this post live in the deep-sea.  However, Giant Jellyfish enjoy floating to the surface and up to the shoreline aka the places we all like to hang out. Jellyfish also sting, so if there are fifty of them surrounding you, you’re screwed. Contrary to popular belief, peeing on a jellyfish sting can actually make it worse. The best remedy is to stay the heck away from jellyfish.

Portugese Man O’War

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In the animal kingdom, the bright colored ones are always the biggest a-holes. The Portuguese Man O’War can be found in the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans and has tentacles that can range from 33 to 98 feet long. And they sting. Bad. The tentacles can actually detach and drift away, stinging you days later or miles away.

Giant Isopod

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That cockroach living in your garage is nothing compared to the Giant Isopod. This creature can grow between 7-14 inches, but scientists have discovered one as large as 2.5 feet. They enjoy eating dead things, curling up into balls when they feel threatened, and scurrying across your feet. Oh, and they can bite!

giantisopod

Spider Crab

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As if looking like a crab wasn’t scary enough, this one decided that it wanted to look like a spider as well. The Japanese Spider Crab can grow up to 13 feet from tip to tip and can weight up to 44 pounds. It’s also known for its ability to quickly grab things with its claws, like human fingers.

Alligator Snapping Turtle

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Feel like going to the river for a dip? This Jurassic Park outcast will meet you there. The Alligator Snapping Turtle is one of the largest fresh water turtles around. It’s commonly found in rivers and lakes in the southern United States. Oh, and it can bite your fingers off.

Goblin Shark

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There’s no reason something like this needs to exist. If I were a goblin, I would be offended they named this shark after me. These sharks are rarely seen since they spend their time in the deep-sea. They can grow up to 13 feet long—much bigger than you.

Basking Shark

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Is that a ribcage in its mouth?! The Basking Shark  is the second largest fish in the world and can grow between 20-26 feet in length. Despite it’s massive size, the Basking Shark has a relatively small brain. Although it mostly eats plankton, I wonder, what’s to stop this big dummy from accidentally swallowing a human whole?!

Blob Fish

blobfish

This guy looks like he just saw his reflection for the first time. The Blobfish’s scientific name is Psychrolutes marcidus, so it belongs to a family of fish known as fatheads. That’s not a joke. Blobfish have no teeth and aren’t aggressive, but we have a feeling they would still awkwardly follow people around.